June 1, 2017
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BJ 'n Cindy


A story...

A story...

When I looked at him, I saw an angel.
Unattainable and beautiful.
Never before had anyone struck me the way he did at first sight.
But he was a Marine.
He’d never look twice at the non-phenomenal non-conformist plain girl that
I was. Yet he did.
And my angel turned into my knight in shining armor.
And when I looked into his eyes, I saw something I’ve never seen before.
A wedding and children of my own.
I never was sure if I wanted marriage until then.
I thought I’d never have children until then.
And all that before our lips even touched.
I knew it was the last thing anyone expected of me, least of all myself,
to fall for a military man.
I had always shunned the military.
Thought of its participants as mindless piggish clones.
But he was not.
He had dreams like mine, and fears like mine.
Nobody understood us, not even ourselves.
Some people envied me.
Some girls said how they dreamed of marrying a marine,
but from the start I couldn’t understand them.
I saw the pain coming.
Some days I’d give my soul to love a deadbeat junkie with no ambition.
At least he’d be there and be MY deadbeat junkie.
But I can’t. I love him, and he belongs to the Marine Corps.
I realized I love him after we were apart for the first of many months.
I watched a movie and got goosebumps when the character was talking about
how he felt towards the woman that he loved.
I almost cried, but the people around me wouldn’t understand.
We were together for about a week.
My sister thought he was the spawn of Satan just because he wore the
uniform of a US Marine. So we fought. I’d come upstairs crying every night
after reading her e-mails.
And that was before I even knew I loved him.
And I didn’t know if he and given me a second thought since he had left.
Then when I saw him again, things seemed perfect, yet he was so distant.
The Marine Corps had changed him.
There was a wall between us, and neither of us could really see each other
for who we were.
And he hurt me.
Worse than anyone had before.
For days I was numb and felt nothing at all.
I was scared that nobody would want me if he didn’t.
I feared I’d have to wait another 18 years to find someone who would care
for me.
I pretended to be over him for 6 months.
Then he called me out of the blue to apologize for what he had done to me.
And he still cared about me.
But I was messed up. Depressed.
I realized I still loved him.
And that scared me.
When I saw him again things were good again.
No walls. But he left again. I hurt again.
Whenever he left I’d cry so hard I would collapse.
And he was gone so long, and how can I know if he’s thinking about me
or if he really loves me.
I know he’s afraid of loving me, afraid to be hurt, but I won’t hurt him…I
I’d give him my body, mind, and soul if he would only ask.
But he won’t.

contributed by Sara [This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.]